Recently I was asked a simply question, "How old are you, really?" almost accusing me of lying about my age. Not that I wouldn't lie, but this time I was telling the truth. They said, "I never would have guessed." Whatever that means. I'm taking it in the most positive way a person can possibly take it.
After the conversation ended I began to think about where all those years have gone. When I was little I always heard my parents and all their friends talk about how fast time passes. I didn't understand it. It seemed like it took forever for Christmas to get here, or for school to get out. But even then it always seemed like Spring Break and Summer Vacation flew by, maybe that was a little insight into what they were saying, but I was to young to get it. As I got older and would spend more time with my grandparents, I would hear them say that the days pass so slowly now. Is that what life is, constantly trying to control the speed of the sand in the hourglass? Where's the balance?
As children we are in such a hurry to grow up and move on with our own life. Looking back I wanted to be a grown up so badly and now I would give anything to be able to go back to my childhood. Most of the time being a grown up stinks. There is an unwritten list of rules you can't do without other grown ups looking at you like you lost your mind. For example, hopping a ride on the shopping cart in the parking lot. You know what I'm talking about. You get it going really fast and hop on and coast to your car. Or getting a slushy at the convenience store and adding a little soda for that extra real flavor. Or splashing in the puddles after a rain. One of my favorites, eating a watermelon during the summer and having seed spitting contests. I know it's disgusting now, but that's my point, did we really stop to appreciate the freedom that comes with being a child?
As a grown up you can't do those things without someone saying or at least thinking you are acting like a child. As grown ups we are responsible for everything. It seems that someone is always asking or needing something from us. That is when I think that time starts to speed up. We are so busy with our children and their activities, our careers and trying to move up the ladder, our church and trying to be a what God wants us to be, our friends and being there for them. We get so wrapped up in all of those things and a million more that we sometimes forget what it feels like to be free.
In the song, Beautiful Boy, John Lennon sang, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." Is that what my grandparents meant? That now that their children were all gone and married and the grandchildren were all older that their life had passed them by with out realizing it. Now the only thing that was left to do was to reflect back and try to hold on to the time they may have missed.
Some of you know that I have been working on making my life less of a spectator sport. I have tried to learn something new everyday, I try to look for God's handy work throughout my week, I am listening to Kyler and trying to hear what he is really saying to me, and I am trying to say yes more than no. However, by doing this I feel like my life is like trying to walk on a high wire without a net. I don't have any idea how to keep my balance without holding my arms out on each side of me and walking ahead slowly. Maybe that is the key, walking ahead slowly, not running in all directions fast. We only get to be with our families for such a short time and then it is gone. I don't want to have to look back and think about all the things I may have missed. I want to know that even though I may not be able to lay the hourglass on its side and call a time out. I can know that in my heart I touched each grain of sand that went through it.
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