Friday, May 14, 2010

karma, karma, karma

Newton's Third Law of Motion states,"That for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." I have also thought that is true in all areas of life, not just in physics. In the Hinduism and Buddhism religions they refer to it as "Karma." In Galatians the bible tells us that we "reap what you sow."
Karma, in Hinduism and Buddhism, determines a person's destiny in their next incarnation. For me karma has nothing to do with reincarnation. It's simply, we get what we give. That all our actions reflect back upon us, in one form or another. It is an unavoidable consequence of our actions. When we create anything, we also create other things which might not be what we intended.

Stay with me, I promise I have a point. First, let me give you some background. In January (before our divorce was final) Kevin's "friend," showed up to a few of Kyler's games. I kindly went over to her and introduced myself. Yes, I said kindly. I was very nice. Then in March she came to a baseball tournament. I even introduced her to a few of the parents. I thanked her for being a part of Kyler's life and told her how much Kyler enjoys spending time with her and her girls. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I did it because I knew that it was important for Kyler to see us all get along. Also, to show Kevin that I could accept him seeing with someone else.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago Jack (the new beau), came to one of Kyler's basketball games. Kevin was sitting directly across from us on the other side of the court. We were right in his line of sight, not on purpose, that's just how it worked out. It took him about five minutes to get up and move to the end of the court where he could not see us. After the game, he waited for Kyler and walked out of the gym as fast has he could. He even walked on the far side of the gym so he couldn't possibly run into us. I was a little surprised, considering how I had treated his "friend."
I was hoping that by being nice to her, he would in turn by nice or at least cordial to whoever I dated. One of my friends said, "Are you on drugs? You expect him to be nice now. It's a little different when the shoe is on the other foot so to speak." Oh well, I guess it was wishful thinking?

It has been a year since Kevin moved out. I often wonder if he has any regrets about his actions over the last year. The choices he has made. I wonder if he has realized what he threw away. I wonder if he has had any "negative karma" come his way. It's not that I really care, but a small piece of me would really like to know if he is reaping what he has sown.
We have been studying about unconditional love in our Wednesday night bible study. The timing could not have been any better for me. I have learned no matter what has happened to me or what others have done in the past, I still need to show them unconditional love.
I have definitely moved on. I am very happy with Jack and the new direction my life is going in and I can't wait to see what is around the next bend.

Monday, May 03, 2010

a new beau?

So I met this boy.
That is the sentence that best describes the smile on my face. I had forgotten what it was like in the beginning, when you are just getting to know someone. You walk around with this silly grin on your face and people wonder what you’re up to. Your tummy does flip flops when you see his name pop up on your phone. It’s joy in the purest form.
Before I started meeting new people I made a list of “must haves” and “deal breakers”. Imagine me making a list of what I want, crazy huh? The lists are short, simple, in no particular order, and are very cut and dry.
The Must Haves
Must love baseball
Must love my friends
Must have faith/relationship in/with God and our beliefs must be equally yoked
Must have an income
Must have a sense of humor
Must know my worth and value
Must understand and accept me for me.
The Deal Breakers
Smoking
A bad kisser
Not liking children
Being a police officer, a fireman, or in the military
Being more than 3 years younger than me or 10 years older than me
Bad teeth
Bad breath
Simple right? I was not specific on the package. I don’t care if he is tall, short, chubby, fit, bald or a head full of hair. I am looking for more important things. I'm really trying to look inside the box and not focus on the wrapping paper.
This boy, Jack, no last name yet, just Jack, is turning out to have all the Must Haves and none of the Deal Breakers. He’s honest, gets my stupid humor, appreciates my random thoughts, he’s useful, knows the value of a woman and how to treat her, he has a strong faith and relationship with God, he makes me laugh, and his lips are the softest I have ever touched. He holds my hand and smiles. He looks at me like I’m the only person in a room full of people. He sends me random questions throughout the day like, “Doors or Beatles?” Who does that? Oh yea, I do that.
I am trying to stay open minded and not put labels on guys during this process. I want to be open to whatever is out there even if it’s not in the normal packaging. Jack is not the normal packaging. First, of all he is from texas. That’s right from texas. An OKLAHOMA GIRL with a texas boy, seriously? Second, he has tattoos and an earring. Technically neither one is on the list as a deal breaker, but really? One or two tattoos are okay, I can deal with that, but nine, come on. The earring, let’s just say no longer an issue, gone after the second date. His face is very kind with a hint of too much sun. His eyes sparkle when he smiles and are the purest blue. He has salt and pepper sprinkled in his hair, which is very sexy. His voice, I get lost in it. It has a touch of southern sweetness, a dash of bass, and it is mesmerizing to me. I have yet to figure it out exactly. He is doing the one thing that I never thought possible; he is turning me into a touchy feely person. I know a TOUCHY FEELY person. When I’m next to him I find myself wanting to hold his hand or rub my hand across his back. What’s happening to me? I have no idea, but instead of sitting back trying to figure it out, I’m going to enjoy the ride and pray it's not a train wreck!