Weekend Widow

It's football season and I am now a Weekend Widow until after the OKLAHOMA SOONERS play their bowl game in January. I know, it's sad, but I am not alone, there are several of us. Sometimes I don't mind it. In my case my husband focuses on college football and the SOONERS, which I love watching with him. It is like an event within its self. He has to make sure that we all have a piece of SOONER paraphernalia on whether it be a hat, a t-shirt, or a jersey. He can not eat during a game, because he gets to excited and it upsets his tummy. There is no talking to him or to anyone else in the room during the game, only during commercials. (Several years ago, my mom called during a game and the SOONERS lost, she has never called during a game again.) After a touchdown there is the Barbie Dance or celebratory strut. It really is a hilarious site to see. I don't mind watching the SOONERS with him I just don't understand why he watches all the other games. I don't ask to many questions, I just accept it, knowing that it is part him and the season.

Some of my friends have a much worse situation, their husbands are College and NFL fans. I was recently given a few, I'll call them "guidelines," to help me through the season I have posted them below. If you need more help someone to talk to, there is a support group available for Weekend Widows, they meet at your local mall every Saturday and Sunday Afternoons.

THE GUIDELINES

1.) From the last weekend in August until the end of the bowl season, the television is mine, at all times, without any exceptions. The remote control will be fingerprinted each night, any sign of your fingerprints and all shopping trips will be canceled for a month.
2.) If you have to pass by in front of the TV during a game, for an important reason such as preparing snacks or getting drinks, I don't mind, as long as you crawl along the floor.
3.) During the football season, read the sports section of the newspaper so that you understand who I'm yelling at during the season. As a tip, check the box scores for the referees names too.
4.) During the games you cannot expect me to listen to you, open the door, kill any spiders, answer the phone, etc. It ain't gonna happen.
5.) It would be a good idea for you to keep plenty of things to nibble on, and please do not make any funny faces to my friends when they come over to watch the games. In return, you will be allowed to use the TV between 12am and 6am, unless they replay a good game that I missed during the day.
6.) Please, please, please!! if you see me upset because my team is losing, DO NOT say, "I'll get over it, it's only a game," or "don't worry, they'll win next time." If you say these things, you will only make me angrier and I will love you less. Remember, you will never ever know more about football than me and your so called "words of encouragement" will only lead to a break up or divorce.
7.) If a great play occurs while you are in the room, you may be required to freeze or repeat your act for the rest of the game as good mojo. If my team wins, you will be showered with gifts for the next 6 days. If they lose, you will be blamed repeatedly for moving, blinking or secretly not believing in your heart of the power of mojo.
8.) Tell your friends NOT to get married, have any babies, or any other social related parties or gatherings that requires my attendance because: I will not go, I will not go, and I will not go. However, if a friend of mine invites us to his house on a Saturday to watch a game, we will be there before the brats plump on the grill .
9.) You are welcome to sit with me to watch one game and you can talk to me during halftime but only when the commercials are on, and only if the halftime score is pleasing me. College Game day and the highlights on Saturday night are just as important as the games themselves. Even if I curse Lou, Herbie, and Corso, I still want to hear what they say.
10.) And finally, please save your expressions such as: "Thank goodness the football season is only during the Fall." I am immune to these words, because after this comes the NFL playoffs, the Pro Bowl, AFL, AFL2, the CFL, and the replays on the college sports channels.

Enjoy your mourning!