I was recently described by a man as a restaurant that never opens. The menu is outside the door on display where you can see all there is to offer but no one can order off it. I'm just for show, so to speak. At first I didn't know rather to be offended or to say thank you.
I went with thank you. That means that I have succeeded in keeping people at an arms length away. I have locked my heart away so no one can touch it, hurt it, or break it. Is that wrong? According to some people it is. They tend to tell me how I should be or how I should feel, "You need to be more available." or "You need to give him a chance." or my favorite, "Well, give him time, he might grow on you." Grow on me? What like a fungus? Why would I want someone that has "to grow on me"? Yuck-O! The last time I let someone near my heart it was treated with such meanness and disregard why would I want to trust another person with it? Sometimes I think that my married friends want me to get re-married so I can be as miserable as some of them.
Before someone starts to think that I came from a broken unloving home, I didn't. I have had great examples of love in my live, my grandparents were married until death. My parents have been married for 45 years and counting. However, I believe real true love was never meant for me. Somehow, I didn't get the love gene. I am not an ooey-gooey lovey dovey person. I have never once imagined sitting on a porch growing old with someone. I like to keep my guard up. To be truly in love you can not do that, you have to let the other person in, not just a little but completely. For me it would be as if I was walking around naked. I would be exposed to the entire world (trust me no one wants to see that). I just do not have the courage or capability to do that. I don't think I ever had, well maybe once I did.
The other night I posted, "W
